It's one of those things you really don't want to think about - one of those thoughts that lurks in the back of your mind when you're about to play, but you beat it back. It's not like it's rocket science...when you play beer pong you're picking up a ball that just rolled under a radiator that hasn't been cleaned since the Roosevelt administration, throwing it into a cup of beer, and then drinking it. Makes our stomach turn a bit...but of course, we're (relatively) sober right now.
Anyway, two enterprising young scientists have done some experimenting to find out just how much crud you're drinking when you play beer pong or beirut. Guess what? It's a lot. We challenge the science community to invent antibacterial ping pong balls - or we might just start using Lysol in the rinse cup.
Thankfully, just before Christmas this gap of scientific knowledge was bridged by two gentlemen, Ben Morrissey and Aaron Heffner, who are currently enrolled at my illustrious alma mater of George Washington University. From one night of beer pong playing, these guys uncovered salmonella, E. coli and pneumonia germs under the microscope. Since the ClayNation column is eternally committed to the furtherance of science, I absolutely had to interview the foremost experts on beer pong bacteria in the world, Aaron Heffner and Ben Morrissey. And the result is another hard-hitting ClayNation interview.
The folks over at Travelistic have sent us along a couple more Thirsty Traveler videos, and we're really digging them. Each is about 5-6 minutes long, and they're interesting and informative. In fact, it kind of makes us wish we weren't so sedentary with our drinking...maybe we should take these Old Fashioneds we're drinking and go for a jog or something. Well, maybe not.
Anyway, check out the nautical-themed drinking videos after the jump.
There is so much we could say about the BongXedo wearable beer bong from BestBongs, but there's so little we can add. They've done all the work for us - they've made a beer bong you can wear like a harness. Double funnels? Check. Crazy "DeFoamer" technology? You betcha. Big old hose that sticks out of your bathing suit area when you wear it for some titillating times when someone's funneling? Done and done.
The BongXedo holds three beers and you can hang it up when you get sick of making people chug beer out of your crotch region. It's part of a line of high tech funnels including the Little Easy, the Racer, and the Jammitron, all designed to get beer into you at an aggressive rate of speed with a minimum of foam. How can you go wrong? Learn about all different beer bongs they make (and why they claim to be the best) at BestBong.com.
Talk about a day late and a dollar short - we kind of missed the holiday season on this one but we figured we should let you know. Remember the Shotgun Key from last year, the beer shotgunning device that was worthy of a Liquor Snobby award? You used to only be able to get them online, but they're now available in the real world - at Spencer Gifts in fact. We couldn't find them on the Spencer's website but we know they're available in their store locations - y'know, that place you always see in the mall?
Just think, you'll have a fistful of cash on you from returning that Huxtable sweater your Grandma got you, and they're only $7 for a set of two. Plus, there's a quote on the back of the package from yours truly, so you'll be able to hang up that framed bit of Liquor Snob memorabilia you've always wanted. Sounds like a win/win/win to us. Learn more about these bad boys at ShotgunParty.com.
Do you know how a lot of birds feed their young? The adult eats the food and partially digests it, then goes to its offspring and gently spits the food into each baby bird's beak. It's a fascinating way to take care of the kids, and we plan to do the same thing with our own critters someday. In preparation for that day, the Liquor Snob offices were host to a similar ritual this weekend, with a flamingo. The only difference is that we're not baby flamingos, and the nourishment we were taking was in the form of beer.
Confused? Our regular readers will remember our initial Flabongo coverage and how excited we were to drink from a waterfowl. We got our Flabongo in the mail on Friday, and we spent the afternoon testing it out on a few of the interns. After they got over the idea of sucking on a bird's head to get at their beer, we gave the Flabongo quite the test - find out more after the jump.
Note - We, of course, forgot to break out the camera during our testing, so the above image is courtesy of Flabongo.com, which is incidentally where you go to pick up your own Flabongo.
We know how much you like beer. You drink it all the time, every chance you get, in fact. But sometimes you're taken out of your comfort zone (your couch or the neighborhood bar) and you have to class up your drinking, or at least quit crushing cans on your head for a night. We found a Maxim article that offers a whole bunch of ways you can class up your brew.
Some of them we've covered, like the Black Velvet and the Michelada, but there are a few we've yet to try, like Yorsh and Caribbean Nights. They even tell you the best place to enjoy each beer cocktail, from camping to the theater. All we know is keep us away from those Boilermakers.
We're not asking you to wear a bowtie and spats to the office or close your eyes when you kiss a woman, but for chrissake show a little class when drinking your beer. Here are 10 simple ways to dress up a brewski for the ball, or a six-pack for a Senatorial hearing.
They say necessity is the mother of invention. Let's say you're at a party, desperately in need of a funnel (aka beer bong), but the only problem is you're semi-passed out in the yard. You fix your bleary eyes on a lawn ornament nearby and suddenly you're hit with a blinding flash of inspiration. You stumble back inside the party clutching a lawn flamingo and a dream, and you have become a hero.
We have no proof that the Flabongo was created in this manner (in fact, we're pretty sure it wasn't) but it makes a nice story doesn't it? All we know is some genius out there figured out how to make a beer bong out of a lawn flamingo. And we also know that we'll be able to live our lifelong dream of drinking beer out of a waterfowl. Learn more at Flabongo.com.
We've been known to poke a little fun at our Canadian neighbors to the north, but it's really all in fun.We LIKE the fact that you're beer-soaked hosers with a high tolerance for cold weather and bacon fat. We should know - we smell our own. Plus, we found this commercial for Molson that gives new meaning to the words "chasing beaver" and it made us laugh. Thanks Canada!
When we first saw the Octabong, we passed on it as a silly gimmicky beer funnel. Who in their right mind would buy a segmented beer bong when you can get a big old funnel for short money at the hardware store? We should have known better - 2006 seems to be the Year of the Octopus after our experience with the Octopus Tap. Once we got it, we really got it, and we understood the demonic simplicity of the idea and we were sold.
Normally if you're having a funnel race one of two things happen - you get multiple funnels or you add more hoses to one funnel. In the first example you're adding to the overall complexity of the act, which isn't a good idea with a few beer bongs in you; in the second there's no way to tell how much of the beer someone actually drank. The Octabong has eight segmented chambers inside the funnel so you can fill them up individually and everyone can race at the same time without the fear of having to drink someone else's beer. Simple and efficient, plus it'll look like everyone's nursing from the udder of a giant beer cow, which will be great for the party pictures.
Speaking of pictures, we realize the fact that the picture above shows eight women in bikinis using the Octabong. That might be a bit disingenuous since our experience shows you'll probably be more likely to use it with a crew of sweaty drunk guys, but it dovetails nicely with our rich fantasy life. Read more at Octabong.com - they even come in multiple colors so you can set up color coded teams.
Drinking is one of our favorite hobbies. Who're we kidding...it's our only hobby. One thing about booze, though - once you drink it, it turns into urine pretty quickly. It's a fact of nature.
We've thought of a lot of games to pass the time while we're passing the fluid from our favorite pastime, which isn't surprising considering how often we're staring forward reading bar bathroom graffiti. That's when we came up with Beat the Flush - nature's greatest bar bathroom sport (other than the spontaneous hookup). The rules are simple, you can play by yourself and you'll have plenty of time to practice, you lush.
All you have to do is flush just as you start, and then try to finish before the last bit of water sloshes away. Sounds simple, doesn't it? It's not as easy as you might think with six pints in you. Let's just say this...prepare to push.