July 9, 2009

Bottle Throttle Review

bottle_throttle.jpgWelcome to our fully full-on review of the Bottle Throttle, our latest gadget designed to get beer into us at the speed of light. We were excited (and a bit nervous) to try it after its creator told us of its 2-3 second delivery time, and when we couldn't browbeat any of the interns into stepping up to the plate, our fearless leader himself was the first to try it.

That's right - Editor in Chief vs Bottle Throttle in a fight to the drunk.

We have to admit we were a little thrown by the simplicity of the Bottle Throttle at first. It looks basically like the nipple of a baby bottle mated with your gym teacher's whistle, then had a drinking straw stuck up its ass, and we were curious how effective it would be.

We were impressed with the durability of the Throttle's material, however, and how easily it slipped over the neck of the beer bottle, like it was born to be there. The lanyard was a nice touch too, making sure we didn't lose it in between rounds, and we can see these things sweeping the nation as the next fad in neckwear - move over Flavor Flav's clock.

Round One
Our Editor in Chief slips the Throttle over the neck of the bottle and eyes his competitor with grim determination. He cautiously moves it to his lips and tilts it back, taking a small swig "just to see what the action was like." He says there is the tiniest delay and a gurgling noise as the beer makes its way past the drinking straw that goes to the bottom of the bottle, but no one else notices it.

He puts the bottle to about a 45 degree angle and consumes the beer; nowhere near as aggressive as he could have been, he's feeling his opponent out.

Time: 8 Seconds
Round Winner: Bottle Throttle

Round Two
Now our fearless leader has his beer legs under him, and he comes in swinging. He slaps the contraption onto another bottle and knocks it back to a near 90-degree angle. A bit of foam shoots out of the corners of his mouth and his jaw works frantically like some kind of strange bearded baby animal nursing at a beer teat, but he gets it all down.

Time: 5 Seconds
Round Winner: Tie

Round Three
By now, EiC knows what's coming and he's determined to get the Bottle Throttle against the ropes. He tilts his head just so, opens his throat, and the beer is gone before the stopwatch is even started. General consensus puts the time at somewhere near 2-3 seconds, and the young whippersnapper interns look on with renewed admiration.

Time: 2-3 Seconds
Round Winner: Editor in Chief

Like Little Mac from Punchout, the Bottle Throttle packs a mean punch for such a small package. It was simpler to use and more portable than many of the funneling/shotgunning tools we've tried, and at ten bucks a pop, more affordable too. We recommend this thing for tailgating, parties, or even just posing a challenge to yourself on a Wednesday night. Just make sure you have some spare drinking straws around.

Buy yours at Bottle Throttle, and don't forget - free shipping all summer if you buy them in packages of two.

Read More in: Beer | Drinking Gear

Share this Article with others: social bookmarking

Related Articles:

Came straight to this page? Visit Liquor Snob for all the latest news.

Posted by Jake Jamieson at July 9, 2009 7:52 AM
Recent Comments

Post a comment

Remember personal info?

Please enter the letter "h" in the field below:
Please press Post only once. Submission of comments takes up to 20 seconds because of Spam Filtering.
Join the Mailing List Mailing List
Enter your Email

Powered by FeedBlitz
Subscribe - RSS

facebook_badge.jpg twitter_badge.jpg

Recent Comments

Von P commented on Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow: I've got recipes for a variety of pudding shots which include Reese's Peanu...

Morris commented on Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow: In referrence to the article "Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow"; ...

Sandy commented on Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow: Done this one more than once - 2 cups heavy cream - whipped 1 sm. box inst...

sam commented on Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow: when making pudding shots... use a box of pudding... 1 cup of milk and anot...

Liquor Snob commented on Jello Shots Today...Pudding Shots Tomorrow: Here ya go, Junior......

Visit our other properties at Blogpire.com!


This weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
All items Copyright © 1999-2017 Blogpire Productions. Please read our Disclaimer and Privacy Policy