Man, this book has been out for over a year, and we're just finding out about it now? That's nigh tragic, considering we take most of our advice from alcoholic cartoon dogs.
PS - did we really use the word "broads" in the title of our post?
From the mouth of the Griffin's bon vivant pooch come words of wisdom--in English mind you. More than just the family dog, Brian is the most learned and eloquent of the family, with insights as sharp as his speech is slurred, and a wit as dry as his martinis. Within this mighty tome he waxes philosophic on unrequited love, the relationship between master and dog, the adult film industry, and just how hard it is for a dog to get a bone.
On paper, PONGERZ seems like a near perfect form of entertainment, considering it combines drinking, ping pong, comedic antics, and pretty girls. However, we're pretty sure part of our brain just died watching the trailer all the way through. Guess the jury's still out on this one, but it does give us hope that we will also one day find the means to put out a feature film of dubious quality.
We're always on the prowl for cool new wine racks, considering our current wine storage method is buying it by the case and leaving it in the box it comes in. Definitely functional, but maybe not the most stylish way to present our bottles. We've found a cool-looking and eco-friendly wine rack in the form of The Grape.
...is made of a very strongly, super-light material. There can be stored wine bottles, but also most champagne bottles will fit. There are many ways to pile up the Grape and can be made to a beautiful 'wall'. The Grape is packed in a nice carry trunk.
A while back, we told you about Boozer, an energy drink/hangover remedy hybrid that seemed like it had a pretty good chance of replacing Red Bull in our post-boozing arsenal. We've gotten our hands on some samples, and we'll get the review posted as soon as we can do some testing.
And by testing, we mean drinking a lot, abusing the interns, getting hung over, and seeing what happens when we hit the Boozer. We'll post the results as soon as we have them. Oh, the things we put ourselves through just for you, our faithful readers.
We're on a regular Fred kick after our Frozen Smiles post from last week, but how can we turn these down? We tried out these "Pick Your Nose" cups at a recent party, and goofy as they were, they added a whole layer of fun to our drinking. When you drink out of them, it makes you look like you have a goofy nose and/or mustache. That's all. We were pissing ourselves laughing over them, but that might have had something to do with the punch we were drinking.
Call them gag gifts if you will, but there are some situations when you absolutely need a set of ice cubes shaped like false teeth. Whether it's grandpa's retirement party or a hockey player's birthday, face it - the situation's gonna come up. Luckily, the folks at Fred have you covered.
For a long time, Scotch was a mythical and confusing beast to us. It seemed like something that was only drunk by railroad barons and other people who wore monocles. After putting some effort into it, and the tutelage of some friends, we were slowly able to piece things together, recognize flavors by region, and lose the intimidation factor that had kept us away from the drink in the first place.
We just received an email press release saying our comfort zone could change, due to some new rules being cooked up by the British government and the Scotch Whisky Association (SWA). We're drinking generalists here, not Scotch specialists, but even we can see a lot of the new rules could confuse issues and make it even harder for neophytes to understand what they're buying and ensure the high quality they might expect.
...some feel it's a smokescreen to further enhance the commercial interests of a self-regulated industry. "New rules are to strengthen existing laws, protecting whisky regions, targeting counterfeiters, and protecting consumers" says Bruichladdich's MD Mark Reynier. "Some are good rules, others more disingenuous; consumers are to be protected from counterfeiters only so they can be ripped off by the industry instead.
Strong words. But the item that really caught our eye was here:
(Under the new rules) Cardhu 'blended malt' could look exactly the same as the highly successful Cardhu 'Single Malt' (400,000 cases) and yet it could theoretically be 99% of unknown, lesser, single malts of a completely different even inferior style or flavour.
In our experience, there are a few things that scare people away from absinthe. One is the reputation - and after being illegal for so long, the rep's a doozy. Other problems people have with the stuff are the venomous green hue, the bitter licorice-like taste, and the thunderously high alcohol content.
We just found Elevation, a drink that's looking to change all that. It's not actually marketed as "absinthe," but it's compared to it, and the marketers make sure you know it contains thujone, the legendary absinthe ingredient that's got a reputation for bringing the wacky. The alcohol content is lower than in most absinthes (50 proof, instead of more like 150), but the price is lower too...around $50 per bottle. When you think about it, it seems like absinthe with training wheels, really.
ELEVATION is the result of thorough research by scientists and masters of taste design. They uncovered the hidden power of Thujon by taking away the bitter sensation. What comes to live is ELEVATION: a flavour full of finesse, for those who know how to appreciate finesse.
A happy day to all of you drunken lads and lassies, on this, the worst drinking holiday of them all. Yes, we know we've said it before, but we can't stand this of all days, when everybody thinks they can drink like Shane MacGowan and ends up looking like...well, Shane MacGowan. If you insist on going out this McAmateur Night, we suggest you stick with the Guinness and avoid the green beer. Or, you can do what we're going to do - stay away from the crowded bars and make some green drinks of your own.
Whatever you do, just don't make the mistake we did a couple years ago and decide to go Shane on a few bottles of absinthe just because it's green. That was a lesson we learned the hard way.
Sorry for the radio silence yesterday, kids - chalk it up to wisdom teeth removal. We got a piece of news today that fills our hearts with mixed emotions - gladness because this holiday exists, sadness because we can't participate for numerous reasons...the biggest being the fact we can't eat steak unless we put it in a blender.
What the hell are we talking about, you ask? Oh - it's Steak & BJ Day - the Valentine's Day for men exactly one month after the one in February. It's not a new idea - we have friends who created a similar holiday that lands in August, six months after V-Day. Of course, the benefit of S&BJ Day is that it's today. Celebrate it, kids. Celebrate it.
Of course, none of this has anything to do with drinking, so we've done a little roundup of manly drinks you can enjoy whilst slinging your meat. First, we put together a nice little list of manly drinks last November, or if you're looking for tips with that Modern Drunkard spin, read on below.
There are a few skills everyone should possess. One of them is how to parallel park while traffic is waiting behind you. Another is pouring a pint of Guinness. Whether you're pouring from an honest to blarney tap, or from a draught can, there are certain tips for pulling it off correctly. Please note, the little shamrock carved in the foam is purely optional.
First, you have to use the traditional tulip shaped British pint glass (about 20 oz.). Hold the glass at a 45 degree angle to the tap and fill until the glass is about 2/3 full. Next, let the Guinness settle for at least 3 minutes. Don't forget about it though, nothing is worse than making a customer stare at their not yet served Guinness for too long. Finally, top of the pint and let it settle once more before serving.
OK, so this isn't strictly liquor-related, but it does fall in line with all the booze-related 'bots we've covered in the past. This crazy mofo got sick of seeing the bad seeds sprouting around his bar, so he built a frickin' robot to chase them off. Awesome.
In downtown Atlanta, Rufus Terrill didn't like some of the folk who were hanging around his bar, O'Terrills, so he built himself a simplified robocop which he controls by remote. Consisting of an old meat smoker that he says still smells like chicken, a spotlight, an IR cam, a water cannon and a loudspeaker, the bot stands 4 feet tall and weighs 300 lbs.
OK, first things first, we apologize for that headline - though we can't promise such punnery will never happen again. Rick from Martini Groove has thrown out a funny YouTube video put together for Absolut vodka by a group of comedians, and we had to give it a shout out. Why do we like it, you ask? First, it features Zak Galifianakis, who made our favorite Kanye West video of all time. Second, it's about booze. Two points, and an extra one for reminding us of what Special Blend did with Blenderz Crucial Sports Hut (also very funny, but in a completely different way).
The guys from Tim & Eric Awesome Show and Tom Goes to the Mayor and a bunch of stuff on SuperDeluxe.com got free reign to do whatever they want for Absolut, as long as they mentioned the product. I wish more companies would be this liberal with their brand because a lot of good stuff would come out of it. Also, a lot of bad stuff, which could be good too.
This must be the week of high octane eye openers, because we covered Boozer yesterday, and today it's all about Hot-D. Do you think that means we have a problem? Anyway, it's not about us - Hot-D is an acronym for "Hair of the Dog," and it's a new twist on the energy drink.We've always heard tomatoes are a great hangover remedy (vitamin c and all), and these guys have supercharged a bloody mary mix. Bloody genius, that is.
Hot D is a tomato based vegetable cocktail infused with all the benefits of an energy drink. We have carefully combined top quality ingredients, chosen for their "healthy and rejuvenating" qualities (see ingredients). From the Tomato Juice's lycopene and it's role in reducing the risk of cancer and heart disease, to the Chinese herbalists use of Ginger to treat inflammation, the common cold, and influenza. Hot D uses only 100% pure Honey to add a hint of sweetness, unlike other Bloody Mary mixes and energy drinks that are loaded with fructose and corn syrup. The Taurine and Caffeine add the energy enhancing benefits that all Bloody Mary mixes have long been lacking.
There are plenty of mornings when we wake up and give ourselves a pick-me-up with a quick Red Bull. We like it because it helps us clear away the cobwebs, and hell...anything tastes better than the roof of our mouths at that point. We've always thought it seemed like a perfect way to start a bleary day, but we might have found something that'll work even better. Check out the Boozer Hangover Remedy - half energy drink, half eye opener, half metabolic booster.
We nabbed some copy from their How it Works page, where they blinded us with their science.
After the initial consumption of alcohol, absorption begins primarily through the small intestines in 30 to 120 minutes, but partially from the stomach, esophagus and mucus membranes in 5 to 10 minutes. Once absorbed over 90% of alcohol is metabolized in the liver by three oxidative enzyme systems; alcohol dehydrogenase-aldehyde dehydrogenase system, microsomal ethanol oxidizing system (MEOS) particularly at higher alcohol concentrations, and a catalase oxidation system in the stomach when alcohol is first ingested. Boozer's multi-functional formula facilitates the metabolism of toxins and replenishes the essential nutrients due to alcohol depletion.
The BoingBoing folks just got their hands on a BeerTender, a gadget we've been lusting after since '05. They don't seem super pumped about this super pumping system, and hey...if we're going to rock the baby Heineken keg, we'll probably just attach two of 'em to our modified foam dome.
I'll wait to pass final judgment until I actually use the thing--tomorrow, at least--but I'm almost certain I'll already give it a big, fat negatory on the whole buying thing. I mean, it's a refrigerator for god's sake. I'm getting ahead of myself!
Anyway, the point is: I should probably review this on camera and I should probably be very drunk.
Read up and look for the full review in the future at BoingBoing.
We'll come right out and say we've spent some time in our lives drinking beer to Dr. Dre's album, The Chronic. Does that mean we're excited about the news that he's putting his name on a line of hard liquors? Well, we're not in college anymore (dating ourselves, are we?) but yeah, we'd tip a 40 in honor of his creation - assuming there aren't buds floating in it or something.
The first products will be a premium cognac selection, followed by a sparkling vodka. He also has plans to create a tequila.
It turns out - and we had no idea about this - that we love to watch celebrities get drunk and make asses out of themselves. There's something about it, we suppose, that makes us feel better for all the times we've had 40 drinks or so and suddenly lost our way to the end of whatever sentence we're trying to dribble out. Cracked.com has compiled a great list of drunken celebrity moments, and they captured all the obvious trainwrecks (Paris Hilton, Paula Abdul, David Hasselhoff), as well as some you might not have thought of (Orson Welles, Joe Montana Namath, oops, George W. Bush).
We've embedded our favorite below; see the full deal at Cracked.com